


in potentia

by Loreley



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, M/M, lowkey tsukiyama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 13:28:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9073909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loreley/pseuds/Loreley
Summary: Tadashi exists in not if, but when.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when you think about your favorite volley kids during a long car ride. And then record your thoughts about them. And then listen to enough k-pop to kill a lesser human.
> 
> (This is my first posted HQ!! fic! Wowie! I have so many in the works, but so few finished. I'll get there, I promise!)

Energy exists primarily in two forms: potential and kinetic. Kinetic energy is short-lived and burns itself up in use. It is work, effect, and _change._ Potential energy is no less effectual, it is merely in reserve, just as powerful as anything else if not _more_ so, an _invisible_ energy.

At least, that’s the way Tadashi understands it.

He does not, in fact, know a great deal about physics. He is familiar enough with formulas to perform well on exams and place himself in a decent class (not as well as Tsukki, _never_ as well as Tsukki) but he would hardly consider himself an expert.  The theory is merely comforting.

When he stands on the sidelines, he does not think in terms of _if,_ but _when._ It is not a matter of _if_ he is useful to the team, _if_ any of them want him to be there, _if_ he is wasting their time, their patience, their air—it is _when. When will they put me in? When will I be most useful? When will I be the one they turn to, where there is hope in their eyes and the tremor in their hearts that may only be cured by me, me, me?_

He thinks of himself as potential energy.

The very same language is in the designation of a pinch server, he reasons: he waits on the sidelines until his energy is full to bursting. When the tension is high, he is the only relief. When the team knows that he is _exactly_ what will get them out of a fix, they put him in. When, not if. Never if.

Tadashi admires people like Hinata Shoyou, people who are kinetic energy incarnate, in a constant state of combustion as if fueled by some nuclear fusion, people like the _sun._ He never seems to waste a moment, never stops _moving._ It is people like Hinata Shoyou who can say things like, “So long as I’m here, you will be invincible.” He can say those things and mean them.

It isn’t quite that Tadashi wants to be like that, like Hinata Shoyou always burning and never at rest, but he does wish he could say those things. He wants to be someone who makes others stronger. He hasn’t quite figured out what that takes, or how to convert potential energy into a _feeling_ like that, but he wants to. _Oh,_ does he want to.

He read somewhere that in the space between wanting and doing, there is only imagining. That is, if there is a desire, then the next logical step is to _image_ doing it, then only the action itself remains. Tadashi visualizes every serve before he makes it, in practice and performance alike: he calls up the feeling of impact on his skin, traces the trajectory through the air, lets the sound of its landing in the very center of his opponents’ blind spot ring loud in his ears. He imagines the looks of surprise and jubilation on his teammates’ faces. He feels the swell of his heart and the beat of their hands on his back, the echoes of their cheers, the sound of his name, sweet in their mouths. If he imagines the happiness he may bring to them, he is one step closer to making it happen.

Even if he tries to imagine saying those words— _so long as I’m here—_ he can never quite make it sound right in his head. Tadashi forms the words carefully, draws up the feeling from where it lies warm in his chest, and tries to say them in just the way he wants to.

_You’re amazing, Tsukki. If I’m here then—_

_No,_ he thinks. _When, not if._

The pop songs he so loves to listen to embolden him with a sense of destiny, a prescribed story he is just on the edge of falling into _when_ he wishes it, but he cannot imagine himself in those terms, either. They sing about a desire to protect, to own, to desire, but somewhere in the warmth in his chest Tadashi knows that he will probably wind up being protected, belonging, _desired_. Listening to those songs makes him feel a bit better, in any case. They give him scenes to imagine.

He tries to imagine how Tsukki would react, if Tadashi told him everything he wants to say. _When I’m here with you, you’ll be even stronger. When I’m here, it’s not when, but_ always. _I’ll always be with you, because you make me stronger._ He tries to imagine what new smiles of Tsukki’s he would get to see. He tries to imagine how warm his hand would feel if it were held. He tries to imagine being the protector, the person worthy of a song. He tries to imagine the feeling of Tsukki’s hands on him, the taste of his name. He tries and tries, but it can be difficult to imagine. _Just one step closer. Just one step closer to_ doing _._

Tadashi is potential energy. Not _if_ , but _when_ , and he imagines his future bright and effervescent just the way he likes. The power is there, coiling fast in his feet, the anticipation is there the _words_ are there and once he speaks them aloud, once he moves, _oh_. _Just you wait, just you wait_.

_Just wait—when I tell you_.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm fuchsiamelody on tumblr, and tendou-satorii is my sports anime sideblog! Let's talk volley kids!


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